October has a new meaning for us.

If it weren't the pink shoes that the NFL players were wearing last year, I probably wouldn't have even realized that October was Breast Cancer awareness month. I didn't understand the impact that a breast cancer diagnosis can have on a person and a family. Just a few short weeks after October ended, my mom was diagnosed and our world was forever changed. Yes, it is true. In a few years, she'll look back on the difficult time and be happy that it is over. Life goes on and she is strong enough to make it through all the treatments, survive and continue on. But, the news that followed her diagnosis will never go away like the cancer, for her, me or my sister. The reason is because my mom is a carrier for the BRCA gene (Breast Cancer Gene) which is the reason why she got breast cancer. A lot of people are diagnosed without the gene and even some younger than her, but we know that she is a carrier and that she was pre-disposed to get BC (87% chance) and also ovarian cancer (between 10-20%). You can see how that directly affects me and my children.

When I heard the news I knew I needed to get tested. I needed to know if I, too, carried this gene. In January of 2012 I found out my results were positive. I also carry the BRCA gene. At first, I didn't shed a tear. Not for a while at least but when the floodgates opened they were hard to close. I knew my mom was going to be devastated and she was. She feels responsible for this and what it means for me, my sister and my sweet Carter. But, she should feel the opposite. If it weren't for her horrible diagnosis, her struggles, her strength, then I wouldn't be presented with the options that are available to me.

The most drastic option and the one with reduces your BC risk to almost nothing is what is called a prophylactic bi-lateral mastectomy. That basically means you remove your healthy breasts before you get cancer. They replace your breasts with implants and build new breasts for you. (it isn't as simple but I'll spare you the details). It is quite a process with up to 3 surgeries (if there are no complications) spread out over several months. I have chosen this route for myself. I cannot allow this to happen to me like it has to my mom. I cannot willingly put my family through this ordeal. If my mom had this choice years ago, she would have taken it.

After my results were in, the next six months were very difficult. I found it inappropriate to share too much info on this blog as it is about my family and not about me. So, I blogged on my own. The months were not my finest moments. I'd like to think I handled the news with grace and dignity but honestly, it simply is not true. I was distracted, moody, anti-social, and sad. So, I read other blogs, I read message boards, I researched, I read journals. I did it all. It was a busy six months for me as I tried to juggle working, being a mom and wife with lots of Dr.'s appointments, MRI-mammograms, ultra sounds, and anxiety over what to do. I knew I wanted to have the surgery but I wasn't sure when. When is a great time to rip apart or your body and piece it back together? I know there never will be a good time. So, I chose Nov. 28th. I'll be healed enough to enjoy Christmas but also be able to take those extra weeks of break to heal at home. I plan to return to work in January.

There are obvious implications for my two adorable kids. There are also risks to males with this gene (prostate) and the chance that each of them have it is 50/50. It isn't recommended to test them until they are at an age that they can handle the news. Most wait until 18-22 to test. We are doing everything we can to provide a healthy life for our kids so that we can reduce their risk of cancer anyway possible. If it means spending a little more at the grocery store and cutting back in other ways, that is what we'll do. We are committed to doing everything we can to help keep them healthy, should they have the gene. Hopefully in 20 years there will be other options for Carter than the options I am given. My choice is primitive, drastic, painful, and life altering but it is all I have. I'll make this tough choice because I don't want to be a breast cancer survivor. I choose to be a previvor instead.

If you would like to read my personal blog from the start here it is: My first post

If you want to read from where I am now here it is:
donotworryaboutme.blogspot.com

So, one final thought for you as we proceed through Breast Cancer awareness month. When you see pink, think of my mom as she recovers from chemo and battles through radiation, think of my sister and what this means for her,  and think of me and the strength I'll need to make this choice on Nov. 28. Please think pink (and pray!)for us all.